Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Ramblings of an emotional sappy pregnant women

I sat down at the computer tonight to finally begin the hours I have ahead of me in homework but then small nudges and little feet pushing from within my ever growing belly distracted my thoughts and lead me here...I believe its time for one of those sappy, thoughts and emotions from within the soul of Lundi moments. I warn those of you who only visit this blog to see pictures, stop reading now cause this will just be a long post of words!
I dont know if its general conference drawing out times of reflection and gratitude but lately I have been overwhelmed at the blessings and happiness my life holds. It may sound cheesy but sometimes I stand outside of myself and really look at my home, my husband, my sweet black and white picture of my skeleton baby, and the only word that comes to mind is magic. My belly is growing with every day now and if you stare long enough you will see parts of my belly shift as my baby moves from one side to the other.  A few weeks ago, Jordan was patiently waiting with his hands on my stomach to see if he could finally feel our little guy move. After a few seconds I believe my son did a flip just to make sure his daddy really felt him. Jordan looked up at me with watery eyes and said thats our baby then leaned down and kissed where the baby moved and whispered I love you baby boy. One of those precious moments I tried to capture so that I can hold onto its sacredness until im old and gray
The point of my post wasnt to share this story but I guess you got in anyways haha. My thoughts are really just to express the honor I have felt as I begin this journey into motherhood and the purpose it has brought to my life. I am suddenly more aware of my real mission in this life and the noble calling we as women hold. I cant tell you where Jordan and I will be in ten years or how in the world we are going to pay for diapers, clothes, doctors appts., and all the other expenses that come with having children when we still have about 4 years of school ahead. I dont know what breathing techniques to use when my body is pushing out a human through a hole the size of grape. I dont know how to bath a newborn, teach my son of his divine potential and to be confident in who he is, or how I will be a good mom while trying to finish my goal of graduating. However, I do know my heavenly father has a plan. I know my mission is to be a mother and to simply love this small spirit with all of my being. I am at peace with the unknowns of the road ahead because of my faith in my father in heaven. I have complete confidence in his power and his plan. I have dreamed of this day since I tucked my baby dolls into their blankets and 5 years old. There are no words adequite enough to express the emotions you feel as your baby develops beneath your heart. Soon I will walk into the unknown world of motherhood and I have never felt more responsibility in a task or been more humbled by the task I am being entrusted with. Now those of you who are mothers and rolling your eyes saying, "you feel that way now, but just wait", I know this calling comes with great sacrifices, hard work, exhaustion, and being underpaid for your work but I say to all of you and especially my own mother...Thank you. Thank you for giving me life and being my best friend mom. Thank you for teaching me who I was and preparing me to be a mother to my new little boy.
So now here we are at the end of my ramblings. All in all I love this baby that I havent even met yet and I thank my father in heaven every day for this chance to be his mother. I am honored to hold this calling and am suddenly aware of how sacred motherhood is. My life is bliss and I am grateful for a wonderful husband who finds me sexy even when I will soon weigh more than him...literally haha.  The savior taught that love (charity) never failith and I am coming to understand this priciple in a whole new light. The world is everchanging and unknown but regardless of what we are faced with the love I have for my eternal family will be and is my guiding strength and greatest source of peace.

PS dont judge my spelling and major grammar errors. I have in now way edited this and its late so just love me for who I am:) I promise to post pictures very soon of my chubby little self!